Dar Abelas
by HuntressoftheLight
Summary: Hawke finds herself faced with a decision, kill Anders, the one love of her life, or let him go free? She already sided with the templars, because she had found out that Orsino knew about the blood mage that killed her mother, and did nothing about it.Her heart is torn in two, do what is right or what she hopes she will not regret (I was kind of lazy at the beginning with dialogue)


Merideth looked up from the blood and carnage. No sympathy crossed her eyes when she saw a young boy, an apprentice, face down in the dirt; blood seeping through his clothes, "So it begins," She turned around to face Hake with a deadly gaze, "I must gather my forces at the Gallows-meet me there as soon as you can...Champion." Merideth glanced at Anders, and she said loudly, her voice full of venom, "I'll leave this... murderer for you to deal with. He's your companion. Do as you see fit." And with that she set off at a brisk pace to gather her forces.

Hawke slowly walked up behind Anders, her heart full of pain and hurt.

Anders couldn't look her in the eye, "There's nothing you can say I haven't said to myself. I took a spirit into my soul and changed myself forever to achieve this. This is the justice all mages have awaited."

"Justice? And what about justice for the priests, and Mothers? The Grand Cleric? Did they deserve to die, when all they wanted to do was bring peace?" Hawke's temper was rising, how could he do this to her?

"No they didn't deserve to die, but neither did all the mages here! Nor any mage to become Tranquil! Not all Mothers want peace, you and I both know that," Justice was on the brink of over taking him. Anders's voice grew deeper as he bellowed his anger.

"Petrice," Hawke whispered. She could never forget that chamria of a woman. Petrice had wanted a full scale battle with the Quinari, in the end she got what she wanted, but also what she deserved.

"You lied to me about everything! I loved you, trusted you... and now, you killed everyone there! What if I had been in there? Would you still feel the same way now, would you not regret?"

Anders just shook his head, he didn't know what to say. He loved Hawke, the thought of loosing her like that... but the mage rebellion was more important. He couldnt not give into his desires, no matter how guilty, how remorseful his heart felt, "I wanted to tell you. But what if you had stopped me? Or worse, what if you wanted to help? I couldn't let you do that. I couldn't let you throw your life away for this like I am. The world needs to see this. Then we can all stop pretending the Circle is a solution. And if I die for this, then I die. Perhaps then Justice would at least be free."

"You bastard. Do you not care how I feel? I feel betrayed. I feel disgusted. Am I just a side note in your quest? Someone you could just stop by every once in a while during your Circle liberation? How do you think I felt every night when you didn't come back? I thought you died. But now, I can't stand to see you alive," Hawke lashed out, and with every word a needle stabbed at Anders's heart.

"'There's nothing I can say to ease your pain, except... I'm sorry I lied. But I'm not sorry for trying to help our fellow mages," Anders held his head in his hands.

Hawke's eyes turned icy cold, "I don't care anymore. Opinions?" She turned to the rest of her companions.

Fenris was the first to speak. Of course he was- he hated Anders, "He wants to die. Kill him and be done with it."

Then Aveline spoke up, "Belief is no excuse. Sincerity does not justify... this."

Merril was nervous at first but stood up straight, adding her opinion, "He should come with us. Do what he can to put things right."

Varric held the bridge of his nose with two fingers, "I think I'm sick of mages and templars."

Anders stood up to face Hawke, "Whatever you do, just do it."

Hawke's eyes landed on Anders, "You deserve to die. But... I cannot. I never want to see you again, leave now," She turned away so she could not see the hurt and surprised look on Anders's face.

Hawke turned to her companions, the ones she knew she could trust, "Let's go, Merideth will be waiting."

~X~

"And here you come, ready to do the Templar's dirty work. Do you expect a reward? A hug from the Knight Commander? Are you that big of a fool?" Anders walked down the steps of a Gallows courtyard, he crossed his arms with confidence.

"Anders, don't make this harder than it has to be, leave now.," Hawke almost pleaded.

"I would rather die than see you do this to your own kind!" He turned his back looking at the dark, moonless sky, "I loved you once. But I cannot watch you do this." He turned around on one heel brandishing his ironbark staff.

Hawke too, took out her double bladed slyvian wood staff, "Anders, you don't want to do this."

"I have too."

Anders shot off a Winter's Grasp, but Hawke quickly blocked it. "Hawke!" Fenris shouted, "Let us help!"

"No, this is my fight." As requested, her companions backed away to watch begrudgingly the death match of two lovers.

"Is my death by your hands something you want? Huh, love, what a funny path it takes you down," Hawke spat the word love. She threw a stonefist at him, it made contact with his arm, leaving a broken bone , but he healed it in seconds.

"I don't _want_ to kill you. But I can't let you kill all those mages for the Templars. You're a mage yourself, surly Merideth and Cullen know this. They won't spare you a second when it's all said and done," He cast a crushing prison on her.

"Ahk!" Hawke grunted, she cast a barrier around her self, just barely saving her from the prison, "That's it! I've had it with you excuses! Your pathetic "reasons" for murder. The Grand Cleric was a good woman," Hawke dispelled Anders, then she Petrified him. Slowly, she limped towards him, the Crushing Prison had done its damage.

Looking upon his features in stone, so familiar. She remembered the cold lonely nights at Gamblen's before the Deep Roads, where it stank of moldy cheese and dust. The images of meeting Anders, learning of Justice. The flirting, and where it led to.

_A crackling fire and the moon cast a glow on Hawke's tear-stained face, she sat at her bedside. She wet the satin red sheets with her tears, her mother was gone. The smile Leandra had when she said she was so proud of Hawke always made Hawke feel warm, and proud of herself as well._

_"I'm sorry, there's nothing you could have done. Don't blame yourself, blame the blood mage that did it," Anders said consoling, sitting next to her. Hawke burst into sobs and fell into his shoulder. He held her for hours until past midnight, when she finally fell asleep he gently kissed her forehead, "I love you," He whispered, and he peacefully slept beside her the rest of the night._

_Hawke was always known as a strong woman, one who never gave up, stubborn one might say. She had a smirk that couldn't be wiped off, a tounge as sharp as a blade from the royal armoury. _

_Anders knew better than to believe someone like Hawke could still be strong after losing her mother. Everyone has their breaking point. Anders was the second person to see Hawke cry, for she did not cry easily. Only death of her loved ones could bring her here._

Lost in thought, the images so vivid, Hawke's spell wore off and Anders was no longer made of stone. He was blood and flesh, he was here. **He was here.** He flung her across the broken mossy cobblestone, braking some ribs and separating her from her staff.

Broken, bruised, and bleeding she scrambled against a wall like a mouse being corned by the cat, "Hawke!" She faintly heard someone yell urgently from the background, "We have to help her!"

Anders reached her looking upon her face with dread for what he was about to do, their eyes so intent in a stare. Hawke reached for her staff, never breaking eye contact. Her staff was only inches from her finger tips... if she could only reach it...

Anders raised his staff to make the final blow, and struck down. Got it! Hawke raised her staff to block his just in the nick of time. They struggled, trying to get the upper hand, trying to stab each other's hearts. Though they had already done that with words.

A scream pierced through the air, that scream, was Hawke's. Anders had cut her deeply into her shoulder with her own staff. A white hot pain swept over Hawke, Anders was surprised by the scream at first, catching him off guard. Hawke used that short moment to knock him off of her, she jumped up but tripped over the cobble, she fell directing into the staff, deepening the wound, until it ripped straight through her, blood sprayed out behind her. She fell to her knees, with her last strength her pulled out the staff with her remaining arm, blood dripping down the sides and staining the wood.

Hawke fell, yet she had not succumbed to her injuries. "Anders," She spoke weakly, he crawled to her in disbelief that she was dying, a small part of him still loved her, even after what she had said.

"Yes?" His heart lurched as he stroked the hair from her mouth and eyes. There was nothing he could do now, but show her mercy and let her die this way instead of finishing it with a final blow.

A small smile crossed her lips, she reached out to bring Ander's hand to cup her cheek, "I can't kill you, nor will I. Because I love you, I always have."

Pain coursed throughout Anders body, not from Hawke's spells, but from her words, her love. But isn't this what he wanted? To stop her from aiding the templars, to kill her? Could he face the pain of murdering the woman that had stolen his heart and still held it with a gentle touch even in her final moments?

"No... I can't let you die," Anders began to heal her shoulder. Suddenly, he was struck back by Justice.

"You weak fool! You can't let a woman stop you from your goals! She isn't worth the lives of hundreds or thousands of mages!" Justice raised Anders's staff to end it once and for all, to end Anders's doubt and show him this is the way to justice.

"Anders..." Hawke's voice came out weak, in barely a whisper, yet he still heard her through all of Justice's rage, "I don't care if you kill me... my life is already gone... just make sure you don't regret the decision you choose. I know all too well what regret feels like."

Anders and Justice struggled for control almost tearing apart Anders's mind. Finally, it ended. Anders fell to the ground, covered in sweat, dirt, and blood. Hawke's blood.

" Mari...what have I done? I'm no better than a mage who accepted a demons offer. I accepted a Spirit's offer." Anders made his way back to Hawke, and again, started healing her. Was it already too late, had she lost too much blood?

"Marian! Please love... forgive me." Anders stood up, if he stayed here any longer the rest of Hawke's companions with surely kill him.

As her turned to go, Marian grabbed his hand, "Forgiven. Goodbye...forever," Hawke didn't expect to ever see him again, but at least he knew how she really felt.

"Goodbye, Mari." Anders disappeared into the shadows, likely to sneak away among the chaos and board a boat to some unknown city. Wherever it was, Hawke would not follow.

Hawke's companions rushed to her side. Merrill immediately started treating the wound with elfroot, while Fenris cursed at Marian for letting Anders cause her so much damage. Fenris had always cared for her, despite her being a mage he knew she was strong. But in the end he was just glad she was alive.

Varric, with a strained voice, started telling the version of the story he would one day tell of what happened here.

Merrill sang quietly in the back ground, soothing Hawke's mind.

Marian knew her love for Anders would one day hurt her, but not this much, she never would have imagined he would try and kill her. She was glad that he still loved her and she could remember him by the sweet, funny and loving person he was, before ambition of liberation took over him.

"_Dar abelas, dar_ _dareth. _

_Emma __din, Emma in dorf era._

_El elgaren souveri, u uth._

_Na nan nadas. Ma sa'lath nuvenin revas._

_Sa mi mahvir. Sa mi ar vhenan. _

_Sahlin, ar'din nuvenin na'din._

_Ma'arlath."_


End file.
